Things I write

How it all began...

2008-09-19T00:19:00.000-07:00

I know many people are wanting to hear the story about how Virginia and I met and what led to our courtship…so here is the short version.

My life has taken on a drastic change. If you haven’t noticed by my last two entries…I am quite happy! As of this past Thursday, I have entered into courtship with the woman of my dreams. I have been praying and looking for that one special person that was made for me, and the Lord has brought us together. God’s hand has so clearly been in this from the very beginning…starting over three years ago.

February of 2005 is when it all started. I enrolled in Verity to get my college degree. I was planning on making it to the orientation, which was three weeks earlier than I actually went up there. However, my Mom was due to have a baby during that time. I waited an extra couple of weeks before going onsite so that I did not miss the birth. Virginia was at another location during the time I was supposed to be there originally, and we would never have met had I gone up as scheduled.

When I finally made it onsite at the Riverfront Character Inn in Flint, MI, I knew nobody up there. I met a few people the first day. I was standing in the cafeteria line one evening when I met someone in particular. And when I met her, I was instantly struck by her smile and sweet, joyful countenance. I believe it was Josiah Blocki who introduced us. He said, “And this is Virginia Landow.” Virginia stuck out her hand, big smile on her face, and said, “Hi. I’m Virginia.” I shook her hand and was instantly struck by her sweet smile and joyful countenance. I don’t think there was anything else said between us that evening.

Two or three days later, I was sitting down in the lobby at the RCI talking to a few people on the white couches in front of the fireplace. Virginia came over and sat down on the couch across from me and to the side. There was a bunch of chatter going on, but she and I began having a conversation about where we were from, our families, etc. We were talking across about three people having to almost shout to hear each other, but that did not stop me. I was determined to learn about her. We talked for about an hour about this and that, and then that was it. I was very careful not to say anything or act in a way that was not appropriate to a young lady I did not know. I have a strong conviction about treating young ladies as if they were someone else’s wife, because that is what they will be someday. I have also been very careful to never flirt with girls. I don’t like it when other people do that, and being myself is very important to me. If someone is going to like me or be attracted to me, I want them attracted to the real me.

I saw her from time to time over the next few days, and I remember always looking around whenever I was in a group of people, secretly hoping Virginia was around. But then next time I got to talk to her was in the same kind of setting, down in the lobby. We talked abut animals that time and I think we were both secretly and pleasantly surprised to find out that we had the same kinds of animals and an avid interest in them. We only had a few minutes before curfew though and only got to talk a little bit. So that conversation only lasted for about ten minutes. Then Virginia was off for the weekend and I did not see her for nearly four days.

When she got back, I was ready to take the US History II CLEP test. I remember very vividly, just as if it were yesterday, that when I finished the test, I walked into the hall. Virginia was standing right there. She looked at me, saw I was beaming with the fact that I had just passed a hard test, and said, “He’s still smiling. Guess that’s a good sign!” That made me smile even bigger. Not sure if she noticed that my smile grew…but seeing her smile at me and hearing her talk to me made me smile all the more.

Then I think that was it for that day.

Two days later or so, there was a vocal concert in which three of the Verity students were singing. There were two groups that were walking to the church it was in that evening. I knew everybody in the first group. But, Virginia was not in that group. I decided to wait and see if she was going to be in the second group…and she was! So, I walked to the church with her and about five other people. I don’t think that we really talked much on the walk…but she was there.

When we got to the church, we sat in the same row, but were separated by one person. That didn’t stop me from talking to her though. We talked about a few things, among which was a picture from the pew Bibles. I remember thinking that night that I really enjoyed talking to her and that I would like to get to know her better. However, I also knew that we both had just started school and it was nowhere near the right time for anything like that for either of us. So, I had no choice but to leave it to the Lord and trust His sovereignty.

Well, I finished out the week and went home. I remember that she was on my mind as I was flying back. And when I got home, I told my mom that I had a twin at Verity…Virginia Landow. Both of us are tall, blonde, and have blue eyes. I told mom all that I knew about her…that she was genuinely full of joy and the love of Christ, very friendly, liked animals and children…everything that I like and am all about. I also remember thinking how lovely she is. But, again, timing just was not right.

So three years went by…

During those three years, we would leave an occasional comment on each other’s Xanga sites…but I stayed very tuned to her site. VERY tuned. I would go online, check my site for comments, make an entry into my blog…and then go straight to her site to see what was up with her.

Then, in February of this year, I had my cell phone with me in Wal-Mart. For some reason, I am standing in Wal-Mart checking out the different features on my phone…randomly. I notice that I have AOL instant messenger as an application on it. So I signed on…something I have not done in nearly five years by that point. Fifteen minutes or less after I signed on I get a message from on my instant messenger, “Hi Joel! This is Virginia. Remember me?” I replied back to her and had a short, little conversation. I found out later that she only had a few minutes during that time because she was on a missions trip. I was going to sign off shortly because no one I knew was online, and I did not even know if it really was working on my phone. So, after three years of not talking or seeing each other at all, we got back in touch during a fifteen minute window…clearly the work of God!!!

That went on for a couple of weeks I think. Then one time we had a conversation that was pretty substantial. At the end of it I said, “Alrighty. Looking forward to next time.” She replied back with something to the effect of, “Well, it is not normally my policy to message other guys. So if there is a next time it will have to be on you.”

Well…shall we say I did take it upon myself to stay in touch. Over the next few months I would say hello and we would have good conversations. But we both made sure to keep our conversations broad and general. However, my interest in her really began to grow and deepen. I knew that I wanted to do something about it and get to know her better. So, in May, I asked her for her father’s name and contact information. She replied back with, “Yes, I will gladly give you my father’s contact information.” That made me very happy.

On the night of the Twenty-first of May, my birthday, I stayed up until nearly three in the morning composing a letter to Mr. Landow explaining who I was and my interest in his daughter Virginia. I asked his permission to write to her with the intention of getting to know her better and, if we both found ourselves to be compatible, enter into courtship. I sent the letter priority mail, and then waited.

I was working late one night at Red Lobster when I got an instant message from Virginia:

“Hi Joel. Are you busy?”
“A little, but I can talk.”
“Ok, my dad got this letter in the mail today…and there is an email waiting for you when you get home. Just wanted to let you know. J”

Needless to say, I was not able to concentrate on work at all. I rushed home after I got off and went straight to the email and checked it. Mom was awake by that time and so we read the email together. I read it, jumped up out of my chair, and mom had to remind me that everyone in the house was asleep!

I spent the whole next day composing my first letter to Virginia Landow. I could not believe that I was actually writing a letter that I have been waiting to write for more than five years. I finished it and sent it priority mail.

A few days later I got my first letter from Virginia. I read it at least five times right in a row. I was quite pleased with what I was reading. We exchanged letters for about three weeks, and then I found out that the trip the Landow family was planning to take down to this part of the country was canceled. I was greatly disappointed to say the least. But then Mr. Landow sent me an email inviting me to come of there and visit so that Virginia and I could spend some face to face time getting to know one another, and so that Mr. Landow and his family could get to know me. Needless to say, I instantly accepted the invitation. I contacted my great personal travel agent, Heather Kern (thank you, Heather!) J, and started looking into flights. I had a flight booked within three days.

About the same time, Virginia and I began communicating via telephone. Wow…did I enjoy talking to her! The more we talked, the more I began to realize how truly attracted to her I really was. It was just so easy to talk to her. She and I communicated great. We never ran out of things to talk about and would go for more than an hour without a pause!

Well, I traveled up there a little over a week ago. The week started off great! I got off the airport shuttle bus in Mishawaka, IN. I was looking around when we pulled up to the station, but I did not see her anywhere. So, I got off the bus, grabbed my luggage, and heard a voice say, “Joel Pendleton.”

I turned around to see the lovely Virginia Landow, standing there with a big smile on her face, next to her father. I walked over, we shook hands, and then we walked to the van. After I got in, the talking started. And we did not stop talking for four days.
We did a lot together the first few days of the week. And everywhere we went we had a chaperone with us…either Becky or Candace Jones (thank you to the both of you for going everywhere with usJ). I could not believe I was actually up visiting Virginia Landow, after meeting her over three years ago!!

Then we went to the Creation Museum with “the group” on Wednesday. It was while we were there that it became clear to both of us through a couple of short conversations that we were meant for each other and we both wanted to enter into courtship. So, we left the museum and I was very, very happy during the long drive back to the house with seven other people in the van. We all stopped at Cracker Barrel for dinner, and I don’t remember having a meal in my life during which I was so happy.

The next day, I asked Virginia if she would like to show me the river that runs by her house. I had not seen it yet and thought it would be a great place for us to be able to talk. We walked down to the river and I began to tell her what my heart was since we began writing letters, talking on the phone, and now spending time together in person. I knew that she was the one for me….the one, special girl that my always Mama told me the Lord had picked out for me from before the foundations of the world. I told her all this, stopped, looked Virginia in the eyes, and then asked her, “Virginia, will you court me?” She looked at me, big smile on her face, and said, “Most definitely!”

Well, my dreams were coming true. I have been praying, looking, waiting, hoping, and desiring to find her…that special young lady. And I knew then that I had found her.

I asked Mr. Landow for his permission to court Virginia, we made it official that evening, and then we spent the next two days that we had left together just so happy and constantly singing the Praises of God for how grateful we are. Virginia and I went for several walks together, and the whole time I kept thinking about how overwhelmed I was to be with her…my cup certainly runneth over!

The week went by crazy fast, and I am now back home. It was the BEST week of my life!!! I had such a wonderful time. I have returned a different man. I am now courting!!! I have found her. I have found the person I have been looking for and praying for and dreaming about for years and years. I miss Virginia, but I am so grateful and happy…words truly do fail me in describing the joy that I feel. God has been so good to me.

So…there it is. That is the short version. There are so many little details of things that have happened and conversations that we have had that just confirm to both of us that God’s hand is so clearly in this. From the incredible fact that we would never have met had I actually made it to orientation all the way down to the little things, like the fact that we both love to eat dill pickles and don’t even like the sweet pickles, and literally dozens of other things in between.

I’m so excited!!!

Thank you, Lord! You have truly blessed me beyond what I could have even dreamed

2008-07-18T02:53:00.001-07:00

2008-07-18T02:52:00.000-07:00

2008-02-21T07:02:00.000-08:00

2008-01-20T06:17:00.001-08:00

2007-11-30T12:32:00.000-08:00

"The Garden" by Joel Pendleton

2006-12-04T15:52:00.001-08:00

A garden. Every day is a garden. My life, is even a garden. And in that garden is a tree. I see the tree now; as I walk through the blackened, iron gate. A think wall encompasses the garden about. This wall protects the garden, keeps out intruders and unwanted guests. It is made of massive stones, quarried from the Italian hillsides, beautiful marble, polished so it shines like the sun. As I step through the gate, I see Roses, of every known color, planted everywhere, thick, thick like the blooms of a crabapple tree. And winding all through these roses is a path, made of Spanish, red tiles. I look down and see a path, made of white flagstones. I step forward on the path, and it takes me right toward that tree in the middle. It is a huge tree, a weeping willow. As I walk through these beautiful roses, I see there, carved on the side of the tree, a heart. And in that heart is my name. My name and my name only. And hanging from that long branch is a swing. I see my soul. Alone. All alone. And there I sit. From day to day. Waiting. Watching the gate. Waiting for the other name in the heart. Waiting for the other soul on the swing. Waiting…

…And in this garden, I cultivate and prepare the ground. Oh look! Over there, toward the rising sun, that’s the spot I have prepared for my children. A row for strong, tall sunflowers, and a row for the soft and delicate violets. And off that way, toward the setting sun. There is the spot I will plant the many roses we stop to smell along the path of life. And right there, straight ahead, under the tree, is where I am going to plant the only two, white rose bushes in the entire garden. One is for me, and one is for the Love my life. I will plant them, there, under the heart I have carved. Under the heart that…for now…only bears one name. How sad and lonely a half-full garden is. No, not half-full, but half-empty. And when the sun shines, its rays fall on empty ground…and that swing over there, that I sit on, all alone, from day to day, watching, waiting, praying, hoping…

…And now, it is evening. Shadows are dancing as a cool evening breeze frolics with the various flora that reside in my garden…my eyes wander from the ground, swinging lazily at my feet, as I rock back and forth, alone, on my swing, and I look at that cold, black, iron gate. A shadow, large and imposing, begins to loom over the opening to my garden. This tree I am under, this tall, sad willow, has succumbed to the light of the evening sun and casts a darkness over the enchanted entrance to my garden…it is a darkness similar to the one I my soul. Inside, I am like a cold, dark, empty room….alone…..desperate…..waiting….

…And so it is that the days go by. Each morning I wake up, sit upon my swing -- built for two but holding one -- and wait the whole day through. Occasionally I will see someone stop to peer in, but there is only one person, one special person, who holds the key to unlock the gate of my garden…

…And so I sit…hour by hour…day by day…month by month…year by year…praying…watching…hoping…waiting…on and on…

"Poem" by Joel Pendleton

2006-12-04T15:52:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write a poem,
Just jot down a verse or two.
But I couldn’t think of a subject to rhyme,
And it drove me mad the whole night through.

First I thought I could scribble ‘bout love,
And explore the emotions of the heart.
But the more I thought, the more confused I got,
Because love, for me, has yet to do its part.

Maybe then I can write about God,
And speak of His faithfulness and love,
But the Lord’s already written an entire autobiography,
And sent it down from above.

How about writing about my country,
And about the patriots who died for freedom,
I could write about these rolling hills,
And this place that I call my home.

Now I see; these things I’ve written about,
Are all that matter to me,
Love, God, Country…
What more could a man ever need?

"On the Greyhound" by Joel Pendleton

2006-12-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

Rumble. Brumble. Squeak. Crackle.
Those are the sounds of the Greyhound.
Pitter. Patter. Sputter. Spatter.
Those are the sounds of the Greyhound.

While traveling the country,
I think I see,
People great and sundry,
Like a massive sea.

All the hordes of humanity,
But not a recognizable face.
But truth be told that in reality,
We’re all of the same brotherhood; the same race.

So God Bless my country,
And her people I see.
So God Bless my country,
From sea to shining sea.

“To whom shall I go? Part II” by Joel Pendleton

2006-12-04T15:44:00.000-08:00

When your emotions and thoughts are in a state such that you seemingly cease to reason with logic and sound judgment and you get to the point of hardly being able to make a decision about what you should do in your particular situation, there is only one place that you are able to go for solace and comfort. So then, to whom shall I go?

That one place is on your knees before the throne of God. But, for what are we to ask? I was seeking the face of the Lord this morning, and struggling deep within my soul about some decisions I have been trying to make. These decisions have the ability to totally change the direction my life is going to take. Either decision I make has the potential to be good for me and my future family, but the decisions are such that they are not easy to make. There are a lot of factors involved in each. The future is hard enough to see, let alone when you have plans that are potentially life changing.

James Chapter One says that we are to ask for wisdom if any of us need it. And, let me say, I need wisdom! There is a clear and distinct caveat placed on God’s offer of wisdom; we have to ask in faith and without ANY doubting.

But, from where does this faith to ask for wisdom come? It comes from the Lord, of course. But the faith we have to even ask for more faith comes from God, who is the author and finisher of our faith. So, if He is the author of our faith, and we are to have the faith to ask for wisdom…then this means that we are COMPLETELY reliant and dependant upon Him for the faith it takes to ask for faith!

You would think, therefore, that having a God who is perfect and capable of all things, and who is caring for me and helping me make the right decisions would be nothing but incredibly comforting. But, why do I doubt? I don’t want to doubt. I believe that I can have the faith necessary to receive the wisdom from the Lord. But, for some reason, it is so hard to grasp it. I am reliant upon God, once again, to reach out and take what He is offering me. But the very strength to do so comes from God. And, once again, I have to rely wholly on Him.

I hope and pray that I make the right decisions. They can be hard. The days are trying. The winter is long. The days seem lonely. The desires and wants in my life call out to me. But, I know that with the help of almighty God, His will, His Perfect will, shall be accomplished.

To whom shall I go? Hmmm…..

God…
I humbly ask that you would grant me grace to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can…
And the WISDOM to know the difference.

"To Whom Shall I Go? Part I" by Joel Pendleton

2006-12-03T05:09:00.000-08:00

Where are we supposed to go when we are struggling with something internally? Is there someone, or something perhaps, that is able to give us solace and peace when our souls are being tried by the cares and concerns of the world? I suppose we must also ask that, if there is someone or something to which we may go, then in what manner are we to utilize that help? For it is clear that, no matter the form the help would happen to assume, we are ultimately responsible for the choices that we make with regards to the struggles we face…even when we are given help and aid. Or…are we?

I believe that many people are involved in trying circumstances more than they show. Whether the issues in one’s life are life threatening, or perhaps life changing…those are things that must be taken into consideration. But then, some people may see things going on in another person’s life, and say it would be life changing...but to the person it is happening to, it might actually seem life threatening. Just because a person is not dying does not necessarily mean that they are not going through something that is life threatening…right? After all, what is life? Would you say that a life is threatened if whatever is happening will cause that life to cease as we know it? We know people for who they are right now…but could something not happen that causes them to become “different people”? When a person is going through something like that, who or what are they to turn to?

Ponder.

To be continued.....

"Measure of Treasure" by Joel Pendleton

2006-10-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

I float along hither and thither,
Searching and looking around,
For my allotted measure of treasure,
So true happiness and joy may abound.

I am on the path of schemes and dreams,
With every other man in Creation.
I am on the path of tears and fears,
Trying not to forsake every friend and relation.

This treasure I’ve sought from birth has more worth,
Than ten thousand punds of gold,
And it will be worth all the strife in this life,
If this one possession I can hold.

But my journey, I fear, is in vain and I strain,
To not just give up all hope.
But a voice deep inside resounds, “It can’t be found!”
- - it is then that I give up hope.

I lie down beside the road to sleep and weep,
And I know my dreams will never be realized.
My own small measure of treasure,
I fear will never materialize.

I allow myself to just cry and soon die,
Alone forsaken, and empty…but who cares?
Everyone rushing down that path of life,
Rushes right past me, unawares.

This is the time I feared most; to give up the ghost,
But for some reason I’m not scared.
Just a sadness I see because as for me,
I’ll never have this treasure so rare.

But wait….

What is this I feel brushing past me heel,
Someone now kneeling to stroke my brow.
And then sitting up I see before me,
The treasure has found me somehow!

“I have sought you, you couldn’t find me, you see,”
says the treasure, “I’ve been sent from above.
I am now yours forever and ever,
I am your treasure,
I am Love.”

"Who am I" By Joel Pendleton

2006-09-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

I am there when you least expect it, and I am there when you expect it most.

I creep into your heart when you try to push me out, and I seem as if I am not there even when you invite me in.

I push and shove and play with your mind, and I lay around waiting for you to call for me.

Who am I?

Wars have been fought over me like the battles before the walls of Troy. Peace has been made in my name and kept likewise.

I am sought after like precious Gold, and others throw me aside and say that I am not intended for them.

I float on the waves of the emotions, and I am so real you can almost see me.

Who am I?

I am called the mystery of mysteries and I am easy to understand.

I am called the one thing that can never be fully realized and I fill people to overflowing.

I am the thing people swear by most and I am the thing that people say doesn’t really exist.

Who am I?

I tug at the strings of your heart and I play jump rope with them.

I seek the willing soul and reject those who reject others.

I ask little in return and I rarely get it.

The only thing I ask is that you give more of me than you get. If this you do, then more of me you will get, but you must give more than you receive always.

Who am I?

I am LOVE.

"Dreams" by Joel Pendleton

2006-09-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

There is a place in every man’s (or woman’s) soul where his dreams reside. That place is deep, difficult to find, and mysterious. Few men are able to find that place within the depths of his soul without tremendous feelings of anxiety and confusion coming upon him, especially early on in life. A man’s dreams can appear muddled and conscientiously scary. The dreams that live there are very hard to interpret, and that then is the question; what do these dreams mean?

As a young man looks down the road of his life, down that single lane corridor through the hazy fog of a dense forest, he cannot see very far. There are so many factors and unknowns that he can’t possibly plan his life completely. Yes, it is even difficult to plan just one day, let alone an entire lifetime of days. One can make plans, but those plans are subject to change. Very often, a young man makes plans for his life based on his dreams…but what are his dreams? Are they themselves just plans that have some largely emotional attachment to them?

The way in which dreams are important, which dreams can be labeled simple, fanciful plans, is a mystery. A man can spend endless eons trying to define and convince others of his significant dreams, and how those particular dreams shape his plans, but few will come to an understanding of what those dreams truly mean to him.

Of course, by ‘dreams’ I do not mean the seemingly incessant madness that can come over a person as he falls into deep sleep. By ‘dreams’ I do not mean the fanciful wishing of a little boy as he ‘dreams’ about the new bicycle he saw in the mail order catalogue. What then to I mean by the dreams of a man’s soul?

It is as if a man’s dreams cry out to him from somewhere deep within a dark cave; they shout from the enduring crevice, “Come! Take hold of me! Plant me in that garden of your life. Cultivate me. Care for me until the day I have been fulfilled and you can taste of my fruits.” The cries of those dreams are not ones of anger, desperation, or temptation. They are cries of urgency. A man’s dreams do not endure indefinitely as mere dreams. The dreams of a youthful man’s soul can die with time, just as that man will die with time.

Once a man’s dreams are recognized as such, they become domineering. It is tempting for one to snatch them up and plant them straight into the ground not knowing which ones are going to survive the many cold winters that come to that garden. Nut one must be so careful that he prepares the ground for the dreams he seeks, otherwise, he may never realize a harvest.

What then are a man’s dreams, and how are they defined? I know not what dreams another man may have, but as for me, I dream of three things. I dream of God. I dream of country. I dream of family.

For me, my dreams are what keep getting me out of bed every morning. For me, my dreams are what keep me motivated in the day to day routine and drags of everyday life. For me, my dreams are what guide my thoughts with regard to my plans for the future. I believe my dreams were placed in the depths of my soul by God Himself.

I dream of God. I dream of one day, after my life is over, being able to kneel before the throne of God Almighty and raising Him with my whole body. I dream of Him saying to me, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter now into the fullness of my joy.” I dream of meeting my Savior face to face, throwing myself at His feet, wrapping my arms around His feet, and weeping tears of joy and gratitude for what he did on the Cross at Golgotha. I dream of the marriage supper of the Lamb. I dream of meeting the apostles and martyrs for Christ’s sake. I dream of worshipping and praising and exalting the name of God for ever and ever.

I dream of Country. I dream of one day seeing these United States restored to the principles of our founding documents. Some say America has no hope. But as long as America has men of God who are willing to not waiver on their convictions, then I believe there is hope for America. I dream of being one of those few, those Godly few, those steadfast bands of brothers who will make a stand to restore America to the true democracy she once was.

I dream of family. I dream of one day falling in love, and having someone fall in love with me. I dream of raising children for the Glory of God. I dream of watching my children take their first steps, hearing my children’s first words, seeing their toothless smiles, teaching them the life-giving truth of God’s Word, baptizing them, marrying them off into Godly marriages. I dream of grandchildren and of being able to sit them on my knees and tell them stories. I dream of doing all of that along with the love of my life, whoever she may be. I dream of growing old together, and I dream of dying and being buried together. I dream of being in love at death even more than at the marriage altar.

I dream all of this…and it scares me. Those dreams are huge. Those dreams are high and very difficult to attain. How can I snatch those dreams out of the jaws of impatience and faithlessness? Who will stand by me and help me see to it that those dreams come true?

Will these dreams of mine come true? Will they?

But for the Grace of God. But for the holy, sufficient, righteous, glorious Grace of God.

Amen.

"As I lay Dying" by Joel Pendleton

2006-09-06T11:19:00.001-07:00

When one finds out that he or she is dying, and they are given a short time to live, what does that person do? What are his thoughts? I have put myself in that frame of mind for about the last five days. I have tried to model my every thought and action as if I knew I had but months to live.

I suppose that the first inclination would be fear, or anger. I tried really hard for a minute to imagine what it would be like to not be on this earth anymore. Of course, I would be in Heaven before I knew what had happened. Therefore, I then thought that death would be a happy thing, because I would be instantly transported into the presence of my Blessed Savior. But then, after about two days, I realized what the truth would be.

I am twenty-one years old now. What would it be like for me if I knew that I would not complete my twenty-second revolution around the sun? Rather than looking completely introspectively, I began to analyze everything around me from an outside perspective. I commenced on an outward journey through the inward thoughts of a dying man.

Relationships. When a person stops to think about the relationships in his life, he realizes that he rarely does stop to analyze them. When you have your whole life in front of you, it is seldom that you actually think about the people that you are involved with on more that an acquaintance level.

Death, or the thought of it, can really cause a unique perspective to cast its shadow upon the bouquet of relationships that adorn the stages of our lives. When a person has a brother or sister, parents, wife, husband, child, or any other person not related to him that he has a gallant or tender attachment for, that person tends to pay extra special attention to them when staring death in the face.

I began to probe even deeper than just relationships and tried to objectively come to the one thing that would matter most to a person who was dying. Would it be the all important money that people spend entire lifetimes to accumulate? Perhaps knowledge? How about complete assimilation with nature around him, as the transcendental poets of old?

I then narrowed my search for the elusive answer by contemplating the perspective of a man who had only twenty-four hours to live. What would he do with only a day? Ahhhh….now we begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For you see, money matters not for just one day of life. You can spend a whole day trying to gather as much insight into the sciences, but at the end, you are nothing more than cadaverous; carrion for worms. You could become so completely one with nature, and still, ironically, that last cycle of natural life would come…death. What then is it that man would do with but one more day to breathe?

It was at this point that I began to feel as if that light at the end of the tunnel was nothing more than a massive freight train heading right for me and my quest into the mind of a dying man. Why? Well, because what good would it do if that man was surrounded by those who are called his loved ones? What if his own dear mother was holding his hand and stroking his pale brow as he gave up the ghost? He is still dead in the end. I suppose something can be said for dying “peacefully” or dying in the cradle of love built up by the ones who love you. But, this still does not answer my question. I still does not answer my question. I still do not know what would really matter.

I am sure some would say that they would make right any wrongs that they have committed against someone. Others say they would “get right with God,” whatever that means. Others would say “I love you” to someone they have not said that to in a long time. There are many other responses towards death that I have discovered along this pathway of my pilgrimage. But there are two basic things they always point to. Two things seem to matter most to the person who is dying. Namely, his relationship with God and his relationships with others. They dying person realizes that those are the only things that last into eternity. All the money in the vaults of every Swiss Bank, nor all the knowledge of Einstein, Socrates, da Vinci, Josephus, the Alexandrian Library, Keppler, Aristophanes, Galileo combined would not even be worth frippery, trifles light as air.

It was at this point in my trek when I was struck with a sudden attack of frenzied trepidation. I came to the realization of something portentous.

Oh dear God! Please, no! Is this the end of my journey? Why must this be the conclusion? I realize now that I AM dying! Every beat of my heart is another drum beat in my own funeral march. What is seventy-two hours or seventy-two years? My life is but a vapor; a puff of smoke that is wisped away almost before it appeared.

While trying to climb into the mind of a dying man, I realize now that it was my own mind I have climbed into. I am that dying man. All my hope, all my aspirations seem meaningless now. All I can think about is my family. I will not always be with hem. I will love them, and then I will be gone. I will hug them with arms that will soon be limp at my side in the coffin. I will kiss them a mouth that will cease to breathe air. I will walk beside them with legs that will soon be worthless while holding their hands with hands that will cease to write. I will cry with them during times of sorrow with eyes that will cease to look into their eyes.

Oh how my soul hurts and is in turmoil. To what end do I rise every morning if I will just leave this world and cease to be? Is it to make a little more money that I can’t keep or learn more knowledge that does not keep me from death?

To what end to I rise every morning? That’s it!!!! To what end do I rist?! To what end do I live? This quest is not an expedition for the purpose of answering the question of how I should die, but it is a journey to discover how I should live! Life is the focus, not death!

At my funeral, do I want them to say that I lived life like I was dying? Or do I want them to say that I lived life?

Life is a precious gift. God gave us life why? We have life so that we may Glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Yes, this physical body will die, but life will never end. The Giver of life will sustain my life from now until eternity.

Should a man live his life as if he were going to die soon? A resounding NO! A man should live his life so that when his time on this earth is over, his legacy will be that he fulfilled the mandate of God in the Holy Scriptures; that he loved others more than self, and that he loved God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength.

With Faith and assurance I can say to death, “you can come none to soon because I shall not taste of death until my Master wills.”

To God be the Glory!

Amen.

"The Lesson" by Joel Pendleton

2006-09-05T17:51:00.000-07:00

Come hither to, and hear my tale,
Gather ‘round from far and near.
Hear the lesson learned by two lasses fair,
Oh gentle people, give me your ear.

‘Twas that fateful night when the hurried call came,
Over the dell and through the shire the faithful messenger ran.
“Help ye maidens, haste and come ye quick!” yelled he to the house,
“My master is deathly sick and dangerously ill…indeed, he is a dying man!”

“Now I bid thee farewell and if ye should choose to come,
Go ye straight over yon hill and a right turn make at the lone Aspen Tree.
Go to the clearing where you will find our tents standing tall.”
And at that the messenger bowed his head and thence took his leave.

Now, ye most would choose to go, and think not twice of leaving le’ warm house,
For kind hearted are all ye, I can see a kindness in your eyes.
But listen now to the musings of our two bonnie maidens fair,
And see if their decisions should give thee surprise!

The scarlet clad lass with the hair golden brown,
Said thus turning to Miss Raven-Black-Hair,
“Let us arise and go to the aid of this mystery stranger,
For if he should die all on our account, ‘twould be a shame that I could not bear.”

“Tis cold and dark, and dangerous at night,” said Miss Raven-Black-Hair,
“And think I not that we should attempt to travel alone,
For the steely eyed dragon could find us and drag us away,
And we would forever be held captive in his dark, dank lair.”

And so her dribble went, on and on, with no end in sight,
For these excuses she made even more made up her mind.
But bonnie wee lass who was clad in scarlet had a different perspective,
So she made up her mind then and there and chose to do what was right.

So up she arose determined to goad n she put on her scarlet winter cloak,
Then out the door ran towards the hill just as she was bid.
And when she reached the lone Aspen tree,
She turned her gentle feet right and walked with set determination.

After half a mile and three, to the clearing came she,
Where she was elated to find,
Over next to that tent, where she next went,
That messenger so kind.

He held open the tent door, and she saw there on the floor
A big chair, nay a throne,
He who sat on it didn’t look sick at all, but he sat up looking tall and strong,
Appearing quite healthy in Spirit and Bone.

Their eyes then met then and there, The Prince and this lovely lady fair,
And music could be heard from above.
For ye see ‘twas was all a test, simply to find The Prince the best,
And they two already were falling in love.

Now ye gentle people gathered ‘round me today, the messenger went out to thousands that night and told them all the truth,
For The Prince was sick indeed and was in great need of love, so he devised a plan to see who would come to set his broken heart loose.

Now the lesson to be learned comes from Miss Raven-Black-Hair, For she now knows what her own selfishness for her has done.
And of all the thousands who heard the cry of the messenger,
Our scarlet clad girl with the Golden Brown Hair,
With a heart full of kindness,
A TRUE love, she won!

2006-09-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

Well...

2006-09-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

...here I am creating this new blog...I already have three others...why do I need another one? Oh well...who knows who I will get back in touch with whom I have not spoken to in years! If you know me, contact me! :-)